I'm in love with my best friend. It gets worse. You see; I was severely paralyzed in a car accident when I was in my late teens. This friend of mine, Andre, and I had been buds since early on in high school at this point. And since the accident, we've become increasingly close.
Immediately following the accident, I was deeply depressed and wasn't really interested in romance for several years. But eventually, I did start to develop attractions and even feelings for some people over the course of a few years. Eventually, while he was romantically unattached, I started to have feelings for him. Initially, I tried to fight my emotions. But no matter how much I tried, my feelings only got stronger. But I decided if anything were going to happen between us, he would have to make the first move.
So for years, I hoped and waited, until finally Andre dragged the truth out of me. His response was that if he weren't just coming off a rough break-up, he would seriously consider my proposition. Then, months later, he told me that he had thought it over and decided that a relationship between us wouldn't be a good idea, because he didn't want to jeopardize the friendship. Of course, even though Andre always has told me that he doesn't think of me as being handicapped, I can't help but wonder if my disability doesn't have a lot to do with his hesitation.
But I get mixed signals from him! We joke about sex almost constantly, and on several occasions, he has told me that he has been aroused by this, but then says it's just because of the subject matter. I am one of a very few people that he talks to regularly. He calls me at least 3-5 times a week. And he has told me many times that I'm the closest person to him. When we've been together, our eyes have met and held each other's gaze many times. Sometimes I can feel him staring at me, at times, while he playfully touches my arm or the part of my wheelchair near my hip.
Lately, Andre has said that he'll try to keep an open mind about a relationship between us and make up his mind about it when he's ready to date again (his last girlfriend messed him up pretty bad --- he's probably still in love with her). But I'm sure I talked him into keeping an open mind about us.
And now I've been in love with him for about a year and a half, always painfully hoping and waiting. Please help me. I don't know what to do!
I've tried to convince myself that it's never going to happen and move on. But it's too depressing, and I always end up getting hopeful again, until I crash. Cutting him out of my life would be out of the question. I couldn't do that to him or myself. As heart wrenching as it is to imagine not ending up with him, it is infinitely more so to imagine not having "Andre" in my life at all. I've tried to distract myself from my feelings, but nothing works. And although I have some friends, making new ones is practically impossible --- let alone boyfriends. Most people I meet (platonically) are nice enough but only offer to stay in touch (if at all) as a gesture. I lose contact with them soon afterwards.
I feel like Andre is my only chance for a romantic relationship. But this is beside the point. I'm just trying to point out that I've tried everything I can think of to get my mind off this. Even if I had plenty of options, I know I'd want him. I truly feel that he is the one!
I'm not sure what I want you to say. Do you think Andre has any romantic interest in me whatsoever? If so, what should I do? Should I try to bring this out in him? How? If it's hopeless, how do I know, and what can I do to move on?
Do you think he is my only chance for a romantic relationship?
Original post and reply here:
http://www.askdog.com/2007/04/02/do-you-think-he-is-my-only-chance-for-a-romantic-relationship/
