Is it always wrong for a brother and sister to have sex?

I would like to comment on this, because I have known a few people who have had this type of thing occur.

Technically, incest is a societal value that has been programed in us for evolutionary purposes. Natural selection doesn't work so well when our DNA is too close, however this is only for the purpose of procreation, just having recreational sex (though I don't really condone this behavior) isn't actually against our programming.

Normally most siblings have definite non sexual feelings towards their opposite sex siblings, much like being straight and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not attracted to the same sex. However, occasionally, when siblings of opposite sex are close in age, and are actually emotionally close, they can develop more than just a familiar love relationship, but also sexual attraction.

This isn't totally abnormal, as there is nothing technically in our genetic make ups that tells us not to fall for our siblings or close relatives, like first cousins. Look at royalty, they have some genetic issues because they interbreed between brothers and sisters, and extremely close relatives...this is why we in the general population avoid it, for fear of too closely linked DNA bring out genetic flaws, though nothings says we still won't have flaws when breeding with others not linked to our families, it is just more diluted, thus less likely.

I knew one pair who were step-siblings, though not genetically linked, had been raised together as brother and sister. They used protection, and for a number of years mutually and consensually had sex with each other. Over time, and after turning 18 and heading off to college, they stopped and developed relationships with others with no problems. Now they are close, and neither are ashamed or awkward for having had sex in their teen years.

Another pair I knew were similar to this questioner. She was a year older than her brother, both were attractive people, not just physically but as people. She had had a boyfriend or two that were abusive, and her brother was very protective of her, ie beating the crap out of these guys. They were extremely close, went out to movies, hung out with the same friends, studied together, had lots of fun together...and truly loved one another. Until one night when they went to a party with a bunch of friends, both got a little drunk and a little stoned, and ended up in a bedroom together for most of the evening. They didn't actually have intercourse that night, but did get rather intimate with each other while in an intoxicated state. After that incident they sat and talked openly with each other about what happened, and decided that if they were both single, and horny, that having sex with each other wouldn't be that big of a deal. She felt safe with him physically and emotionally, he genuinely wanted to please her and loved her, she was on the pill and he was more than happy to use condoms, so the risk of having a genetic freak was next to none. For their last two years of high school and into their first two years of college, whenever they were single, together, and horny they'd have sex. It was like the classic friends with benefits set up.

Later this girl was telling me how his tenderness with her, his way of loving her taught her what she wanted out of a husband. Also, her brother had to approve of the man before she even thought about getting intimate with him, not in some jealous sort of way, but she wanted his opinion before she let men into her life, because he was a man and knew how men think and act.

In the end, she has been married for seven years to a wonderful man and they have two beautiful and healthy children. Her brother married a kind, sweet and generous woman and they have four children together. Both of their families do things together, however, their spouses are not aware of the fact that they slept together in their youths. What is funny is they both married people that the other one set them up with. Because they knew each other so well they knew what to look for in a mate for their sibling.

Sibling incest is actually one of those gray areas when it is not abusive, or coercive. If it is a mutual thing without the guilt and shame, or possibility for children, it can actually be emotionally and physically beneficial for both people. However, when it involves anything of adults taking advantage of children, much older siblings coercing younger ones into things, or any kind of molestation, then it is definitely a bad thing. If religious, or social norms of the family would create a sense of guilt and shame for the siblings, then it would also end up doing more harm than good. I can't say my two examples came from non-religious or amoral families, because they didn't. However, the individuals were not influenced by their families social norms as strongly, and they were open and honest with each other and themselves, and they weren't really too psychologically messed up either, they were actually pretty normal people. How they rationalized it between the two of them is how it was ok for them to do.

On the other hand, most people aren't going to participate in that, and most would give a normal response of Ewww...just like a straight man seeing gay porn. Most of us don't find our siblings even half way pleasant to be around let alone sexually attractive...but there are exceptions to every rule. No different than people with strange fetishes, not too many of us want to be pee'd on, or hog tied and whipped, but some people get off on it. The fact is that there is no such thing as normal out there.

For the questioner's question, it does sound like she is somewhat uncomfortable with the whole idea....but also curious. The uncomfortable feeling might be because of social norms, religious beliefs, or just feeling abnormal in even considering the idea. The wording "he's wearing me down" is slightly disturbing to me. This could be taken as, wearing down her beliefs that it is wrong, yet at the same time she is curious and slightly open to the idea somewhere in there, or his behavior is on the coercive side and she is actually opposed to it, in which case would be seen as not a good thing. Unfortunately we never know with these kinds of questions when people aren't 100% honest because they are ashamed, and they never tell the whole story.